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7am at the gym
Jun. 1st, 2009 07:03 am
A beautiful morning.
Jun. 1st, 2009
::giggle::
Body Image
Jun. 1st, 2009 06:18 pmI hesitated to post this; I don't want to comment-whore, I know that I'm a physical type that some people like, I know that this picture makes me look good in that context. If I was really brave I'd post one of the pictures that I hated. But I'm not.
What the body does is strange. I was working out really hard last year and for some reason I dropped a lot of fat and you could see my abs. That was kind of fun, in a standard-look sort of way.
I took the first couple of months of this year off and have been back at the gym for two months and for some reason I've gotten a lot thicker. Or maybe it's just fat (I tend to hold fat inside my belly which is the least healthy kind.) Anyway, since most of my life I was skinny (as in 90lbs less than I am now - 170lbs at 6'3" is not a look I ever want to sport again) this is a strange thing for me to see in the mirror. I think many of us are suffering from the inability to see ourselves objectively. Manorexia, perhaps? (and yes, I'm sucking in my stomach which is making my sides bulge out :) )
I know many people who seem completely at ease with themselves and their bodies in a sexual (and other) context and I look to them for inspiration. They do not lack for sexual partners or people who find them hot and want to be with them that they want to be with. I used to hold myself up to their apparent ease and judge myself badly, but now I think that the reality is that everyone has body issues but the trick is to work to not care as much as possible, to quiet the voices, to concentrate on all the good stuff going on. I'm also working to embrace the whole daddy thing and since I had made the artificial deadline of Bear Week in Ptown for being in great shape (really, have to be in good shape to be around guys who enjoy eating and drinking and big men and don't worry about such things?) I am thinking of the walking-about persona of Big Daddy Bear. I just need bigger legs.
OK, maybe I am comment-whoring.
Cut for dick.
( Read more... )
What the body does is strange. I was working out really hard last year and for some reason I dropped a lot of fat and you could see my abs. That was kind of fun, in a standard-look sort of way.
I took the first couple of months of this year off and have been back at the gym for two months and for some reason I've gotten a lot thicker. Or maybe it's just fat (I tend to hold fat inside my belly which is the least healthy kind.) Anyway, since most of my life I was skinny (as in 90lbs less than I am now - 170lbs at 6'3" is not a look I ever want to sport again) this is a strange thing for me to see in the mirror. I think many of us are suffering from the inability to see ourselves objectively. Manorexia, perhaps? (and yes, I'm sucking in my stomach which is making my sides bulge out :) )
I know many people who seem completely at ease with themselves and their bodies in a sexual (and other) context and I look to them for inspiration. They do not lack for sexual partners or people who find them hot and want to be with them that they want to be with. I used to hold myself up to their apparent ease and judge myself badly, but now I think that the reality is that everyone has body issues but the trick is to work to not care as much as possible, to quiet the voices, to concentrate on all the good stuff going on. I'm also working to embrace the whole daddy thing and since I had made the artificial deadline of Bear Week in Ptown for being in great shape (really, have to be in good shape to be around guys who enjoy eating and drinking and big men and don't worry about such things?) I am thinking of the walking-about persona of Big Daddy Bear. I just need bigger legs.
OK, maybe I am comment-whoring.
Cut for dick.
( Read more... )